October 28, 2013

It’s been almost a month since Brady told me he wanted to sell everything, quit his job and move our family into an RV for the next 1-2 years. This has been a dream of mine for many years, and to have him finally on board and be the one bringing up the subject is a dream come true, but the reality of this decision brings with it many emotions. For the first time in a REALLY long time, we are financially stable. Brady has a good paying job with good benefits. We have decent credit, money in savings, and a beautiful 4,000 sq ft home we spent months looking for and I have spent the last 2 years making ours. We are members of a fabulous ward (church congregation) and have the incredible opportunity to serve our ward family members in a variety of callings. My kids have made friends and are involved in many activities. We are part of a community. Yesterday as I sat in church and looked around at all my friends I couldn’t help but start crying at the thought of walking away from all we have built here; the memories we have made and the memories we won’t be part of.

As we have been preparing for this new adventure, I have read EVERY blog I can find about fulltime RVing. Lots of people talk about how much fun it is, the incredible memories and adventures as well as the work and the ups and downs of life in a small space. I’ve read about the financial aspect of preparation as well as how to downsize your life and stuff for your new life. But I haven’t seen anything about the emotions involved in moving from this life to the next. I know we are making the right choice. We have prayed, received inspiration and we are confident this is the direction the Lord has in mind for us. But, that doesn’t change the rollercoaster of emotions. I’m not sure how to deal with it all. I look around my house at the family pictures, heirlooms, and furniture I have collected over the years and the reality of selling, donating or storing it all is overwhelming. Our realtor came by today and asked if I was still on board with this whole plan. I struggled to hold back the tears that welled up in my eyes. Yes, I am still on board, I am excited, but I am nervous, anxious, overwhelmed, stressed and sad. It is difficult to process the excitement of our great new adventure while at the same time mourning the life we are leaving behind and the dreams and plans that went with it.

So how do I deal with this? I’m not really sure. For now I will allow myself to cry when the feelings overwhelm me. I will laugh when Brady mocks my tears, and snuggle with my kids during movie night. I will love every minute left we have left in this home, and look forward to the memories to come in the new RV. I will allow myself to mourn the life we were building while preparing for the new one the Lord has directed us to.